went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
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and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
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Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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