She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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