we have officially lost it.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
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I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
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My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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