You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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