So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
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