I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize