their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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