I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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