I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Randomize