I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
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I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
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His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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