You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
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i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
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Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
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