Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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