New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Shame - the story of my life.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize