big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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