I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
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I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
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Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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