your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize