I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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