Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
So. Much. Porn.
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