it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
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if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
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She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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