Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize