MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize