So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize