yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
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he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
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Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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