Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize