She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
We have started to decorate penises.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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