Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize