She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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