i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
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I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
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Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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