so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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