so that wasnt chicken after all
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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