Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
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Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
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We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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