Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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