I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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