he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
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It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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