When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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