my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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