some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
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I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
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BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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