I hate all girls vehemently.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize