You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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