Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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