Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
this boner is exhausting
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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