I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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