Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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