I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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