she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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