they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
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WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
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I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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