made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize