Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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