Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
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