I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize